Was he ready to come home? Could he stay sober? Would the addiction warzone flare up again? Hud's weekly letters begging to come home from SUWS, telling Madelyn & me how miserable he was, how he missed us, would never use again - all the words and promises we needed to hear made us more than ready to embrace the "old" Hud (pre-addiction) and bring him home after 89 long days in wilderness camp..
So on Oct. 13, 2020 - I drove to SUWS in Old Fort, NC and got to see, for the first time, where Hud had been living the last 89 days (we had Hud pulled out of bed in the middle of the night and involuntarily "escorted" to SUWS in the peak of his addiction). Had to walk across a bridge to get to "home base" - the name of the creek was ironically enough "Paris Creek."
The counselors had repeatedly told us every night in circle Hud said the 3 main things he wanted the most- to give me (mom) a hug, see Madelyn, and Luna. I think the hug picture says it all. I can still feel him hugging me to this day.
He took me to the place we'd sleep - a" luxurious" open wooden platform (all they had was a mat to sleep on under a tarp - no tents - it was during covid) near "home base" located by the creek. We hiked one of the many hikes they did during their week or more away from home base - also paralleling a stream. It was peaceful. Then Hud had to show me how to build a fire with using rock, flint, and friction (or something like that - he could do it - I never even got a spark so certainly don't remember what he used to get the fire going loll!). He cooked macaroni and cheese (again - this was a treat considering their normal meals were foods like beans, rice, oatmeal, etc. they had to carry in their 80 lb. backpacks every day when hiking to their next camp) in a dirty pot with unpurified creek water and a not so clean spoon too (boys were responsible for cleaining their own dishes so wasn't sure they'd ever been washed before!).
At night, one of the counselors, when it was her week to be out with the campers, would play a ukulele to help Hud get to sleep in the dark - she sang Hey there Delilah (Hud's favorite) and Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Kelly's favorite) for me. I cried of course.
She told me about one of the night's when it was pouring rain on them and apparently Hud woke up because he felt a lump under him. He tried to go back to sleep, but felt it move again. This time - because it was pitch black and raining and he couldn't see anything, he felt around for a rock and beat the hell out of the "lump." He then grabbed it and tossed it and went back to sleep. The counselor said she found the dead snake (copperhead or rattlesnake - can't remember which one - but it was poisonous) and asked who had killed it. Hud said it must've been what he beat with the rock. She asked why he didn't ask for help and he said he didn't want to wake her up.
Then Hud read me a passage out of their' "blue book" (a book on recovered addict stories) - story about a dad that was a recovered addict, but who's son had become an addict as a teenager, had several relapses, in and out of rehab, and had gone to CA and had onc again relapsed but had called his dad to come home to get help. The father of course quickly put his son on a train home, but his son died from an overdose on the train home. Hud told me how much he knew it would kill me if that ever happened to him and swore he was going to stay clean.
We left the next morning - it was clear Hud had made a lot of friends - especially with the counselors. He was joking around and talking shit with everyone as he left. We stopped at Bojangles on the way home - he said it was the best food he'd ever eaten. Madelyn had made hin a chocolate cake, and had cleaned his room, organizing all of his clothes in his dresser drawers - she was SO EXCITED to have him home! She immediately helped him shave his head, tried plucking his eyebrows, and then we all laid on the couch and just hung out, watching tv. and I cooked Hud his favorite meal - mashed potatoes and gravy. The next 8 months were some of the happiest and funniest times we'd had since Kelly's lung cancer diagnosis August 2018. Hud is, and will always be, the best son a mom could ask for. I treasure the memories he gave us, and love him and miss him more than any words I can put in this blog. Which I've never done before. So bear with me if this blog is too long. It's more for me than anyone - trying to make sure I don't lose any memories because old age and grief fog is a real thing.
See SUWS Homecoming folder for more pics.
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